“Here we are! Born to be kings, we’re the princes of the universe!”
Those amazing lyrics belong to the song being performed by Queen while the opening credits are rolling in the first Highlander movie.
Highlander – it’s a mystical journey about love and this crazy rule about how there can be only one with Queen ballads playing in the background, throughout. Watching the series with older eyes, I’ve noticed some things that a younger version of myself didn’t reflect on. The first being, was there ever a moment during filming when Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery shared raised eyebrows and felt that somehow the roles had been confused? It just seems strange that a Scottish actor would play a Spanish character and a French actor would play a Scottish character. The second thing I reflected on, after watching all three movies (not counting the fourth one), was how would an immortal be treated if he or she was real? More specifically, what would one have to consider when dating an immortal? And what better time to discuss hypothetically dating immortals than on or around Valentine’s Day? Here are ten of my insights in no real logical order:
1) Your immortal date might put a knife in your hand (first date thing, of course) and force you to stab him or her to prove they’re immortal. Though only a technicality, you just bonded with your date by helping them kill themselves.
2) A follow up to number one – realize that the dying and coming back to life trick to them is a practical joke that literally never gets old. And that there will be a lot of “baby I’m going to live forever” comments.
3) Your immortal date (first date, again) might ask you to wait inside a garbage bin while he or she decapitates another person, probably with a sword, as other individuals with swords try to kill you and your immortal date.
4) If by chance you had sex on the first date, chances are there will be more dates. But realize you’ll be dating a serial killer, and understand that killing is literally a rule. “There can be only one” after all.
5) Rest assured when you wake up in the middle of the night and don’t find them in bed next to you, it doesn’t mean they’re cheating on you; they’re just taking care of what I stated in the fourth point.
6) If things get stale and no matter how bad your immortal boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, realize they can’t leave you by faking their own death.
7) Love making will probably include having to listen to Queen. But on the flip side, you can’t get them pregnant and they can’t get you pregnant.
8) Don’t be offended when you learn that you remind your immortal companion of someone they were married to or in love with a year ago or maybe hundreds of years ago. Remember, they’re immortal.
9) Immortals claim to be “antique dealers” which is their justification of hoarding possessions over hundreds of years, never getting rid of anything. You can also justify it to your friends by saying they’re “high class” hoarders.
10) Never ask about the number of sexual partners they’ve had. Just don’t.
So this Valentine’s Day weekend, snuggle with your favorite one and enjoy learning about love across the centuries through the sad and tragic eyes of the Highlander. And find your own answer to Queens ballad of “Who Wants to Live Forever.”
Justin Tripp is a professional writer without a body of work who used to live in Cleveland but now lives in Oakland, California. A hermit’s hermit, he often visits the gorillas who live and play in the mist that enshrouds the Oakland Hills. Justin hopes that one day he can join his fellow Harmonians in Harmontown once it is established as a colony on the moon.